YOUR STORY? MATTERS...

"Fear is a manipulative emotion that can trick us into living a boring life...I think this is when most people give up on their stories.  They come out of college wanting to change the world...but they get into the middle and discover it was harder than they thought.  They can't see the distant shore anymore, and they wonder if their paddling is moving them forward...they go looking for an easier story." -"A Million Miles in a Thousand Years" Donald Miller

"I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."-"John 10:10" Jesus

I escaped Life through Danny Boyle's Best-Picture winning fairy tale, "Slumdog Millionaire," for the umpteenth time last night.  I have a deep and abiding love for this film--not only because it is beautifully shot, lends to escapism, and is full of fleshed out, authentic characters in fantastical (although mostly horrific) circumstances, but also because Boyle's protagonist, Jamal, is allowed an opportunity that each of us long for...While sitting in the contestant's chair of "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?", he recognizes that each moment of his life--the painful, heartbreak-inducing moments, the joyful, ecstatic moments, the soul-crushing moments of betrayal and loneliness, the seemingly meaningless interactions and "small" moments-- each has led him to this point. The point where he is reaffirmed in his life's purpose (in this case, locating his childhood sweetheart/soul mate Latika, so that he may declare his undying love for her), and where his fortunes (both material and spiritual) transform for the better. 

As I watched Jamal process through his own story, I realized how important it is for us to do the same.  I'd been thinking about posting something on this subject for some time, and then read Donald Miller's "A Million Miles in A Thousand Years", which is all about faith and living a good story (funny, witty, heart-wrenching, and a phenomenal read--I am seriously in love with this guy)...and then listened to my pastor, Matt Heard (an amazing, colorful storyteller himself) speak about how although there is no avoiding hardship in this life, we must use this to submit to God's "scalpel" (let me be clear though--God does NOT cause these things, but will use them to prune us, to shape us, to transform us into something beautiful) and allow Him to "refine our character" through these things...and then watched "Slumdog". I haven't "heard" that internal voice of God as of late, but piled together, these scenarios created a serious roar and compelled me to write about...story.

As a writer, I am obsessed with the idea of "story"--even while people-watching, my mind quickly comes up with a created background for passers-by, I will try to dig into the motivations behind others' actions, and I tuck away random events in my own life to use in future character development. Last month, when I moved back to Colorado from Los Angeles, I thought of this new but familiar beginning as a crisp, blank page on which I could pen this next chapter. I was full of excitement and hope. Eager to experience shared growth within the Fellowship of the community I felt called to, excited to continue my writing career from the soul-refreshing landscapes and familiar spots of my adopted "hometown", bursting at the seams to share creatively and impact lives as I go about my "professional" days...but, as I've chronicled previously, situations and relationships have not unfolded in the ways in which I anticipated. To be blunt, my circumstances suck/ are difficult in more ways than I'd like... 

Okay, things are hard, but so what? What should this mean  in terms of how I live my Life?  How do I allow the scenarios around me lead me to a deeper Life, a more Hope-inspired perspective, and prevent them from shutting the fountains of my life down and off--how do I prevent my streams from drying up and becomming dusty wastelands? This sounds more "woe is me" than I'd like, but when things fall apart, and especially when relationships fall apart in my life, my heart feels crushed...I start to doubt myself...I begin to doubt the eternal arms of unconditional love that wrap around my trembling, weak self.  But, what makes this particular period of pruning different for me is that I recognize that it is a part of my story. 

Let me explain--If I reflect on my life thus far, and I look back on it as a story with a first and second and third (and, if I am daring/ God has a sense of humor--maybe even a fourth and fifth) act, I see how the dramatic moments of my first acts changed me.  As much as I want to dwell in the amazing, exciting things that have occurred, and forget/ never again experience the hardships, the truth is that the branches of my tree of life have blossomed and my trunk has shot up exponentially during the difficulties, and while I've experienced a taste of heaven through the fun, adventurous, "blessed" moments, I can only appreciate these times because of the difficulties.  The only reason that I can look for the "good story" during days of monotony is because  I've enjoyed both extremes.

If I compartmentalize the horribly painful moments, the times when I fall and bloody my shins and spirit and heart, I learn nothing. The aches are in vain.  Conversely, if I dwell in the times of happiness and amazement, if I live in the tempting trap of nostalgia, I cease to move my story forward. But I must recognize the significance of both. Like Jamal, I must connect the dots, understand the transition between chapters, and recognize that everything, and I mean everything--every interaction, every choice, every second of indecision, every mountaintop experience, every day spent isolated in the desert, every kindness, every moment I've connected with others or shut down and closed them out--matters. These experiences pepper the landscape of my life, and without any of them, I would not be where I am today, good or bad.  

The other thing I realized as I watched Jamal's life unfold is that we are all equipped to change the course of our stories-- to make them, as Donald Miller (my soon-to-be husband) says, "better stories".  And, I firmly believe/ know that my God is the God of second, and third, and fourth, and a billionth chances... that He will work through our crappiest choices and our most dire of circumstances, but we are still creatures of free will. We choose how to live life, and through pursuit of our dreams, and through giving ourselves to helping and sharing with others (even in the smallest of ways), through allowing ourselves to acknowledge the disquiet of our souls, through following through with whatever specific "call" we feel is placed on our lives--regardless of the obstacles that may stand in our way, through recognizing the significance of every moment of every day, we create our own stories.  As "Slumdog" neared its end, I found my brain circling around that nagging question--In spite of obstacles and unwanted uncertainty, what am I doing to better my story? How do I move past the ache in my heart that compels me to curl up in my jammies and ignore the world? 

 I acknowledge that the Only Constant, Unconditional source of my story still has me--I trust this and this alone, and as I acknowledge the pain, I move beyond it by standing in the confidence of being passionately loved by the only One who will never, ever let me down, and who loves me as I am.... Am I there yet? For brief glimpses/ split seconds, yes. Will I get to the place where this is consistent? I truly hope so.

Lastly, as the "SM" credits rolled, and Jamal, Latika, and friends danced a brightly-colored, poetically choreographed number, I felt an urgent need to encourage those who do not think that their particular story matters. As vital as it is to be aware of one's own story--to look back on the past, understand the present, and therefore, be better informed on how to live a great future, it is also important, I think, to share one's story--the triumphs and tragedies.  You do not have to live a large, wealthy, prestigious, or even victorious existence in order to possess a tale that will positively impact the life of another. There is something that you--yup, talking to you--have experienced that can help inspire someone else. A great experience, a costly mistake, a bit of wisdom gleaned, a period spent in idle, non-dreaming, soul-killing stagnancy...you, my friend, hold an important story that can be used to speak volumes into another life. So, I guess that's my challenge to the four of you (my readership just went up! WooHoo!) who are trudging through my long-winded convoluted trail of thoughts--to process through, to let sink in, the fact that YOUR...SPECIFIC...STORY ...MATTERS. 

I guarantee that it will make you more conscientious of the importance of every moment of your day. I promise that it will awaken a carpe diem desire within you. It will cause you to have more love and empathy as you deal with others. And it will move you on to an exciting, rich, and deep "next chapter".  And, as you live out each day, each interaction, each relationship with intention, you will be more open to sharing your story--who knows? It may deeply transform the story of another... for, your story matters.   I'm trying my best (with many, many moments of failure) to go about my days with this in mind, and I hope that I've helped to encourage you to do the same.

"Raise my hands

paint my spirit gold. 

Bow my head

 free my heart and soul."

 -"I Will Wait" Mumford & Sons

" And once you live a good story, you get a taste for a kind of meaning in life, and you can't go back to being normal; you can't go back to meaningless scenes stitched together by the forgettable thread of wasted time." -"A Million Miles in A Thousand Years" Donald Miller