TOP TEN THINGS I'VE LEARNED IN L.A.

"Ye fearful saints, fresh courage take! The clouds you so much dread are big with mercy and shall break in blessings on your head."- "God Moves in a Mysterious Way" Nate Miller

"Teach my eyes to serve, my hands to learn." -"Below My Feet" Mumford & Sons

I've resided in L.A. for a whopping nine months. A pregnancy. A collegiate school year.  An angst-filled "long" teenage romance. And I'm heading out from these parts tomorrow.  Upon my arrival here, I knew that this chapter would last only a season, but was not entirely sure what that meant. 

As any of the three of you who read every one of my blog posts know (;-)), I've sensed for some time that God is calling me back to Colorado, and I marvel at this. I marvel at the fact that the last few years have transformed that breathtakingly beautiful state into the home of my heart. I marvel at how I feel the pull to contribute to a particular community, to call myself part of the dysfunctional but loving family of a particular church...how much I ache for the familiarity of my favorite well-worn mountain trails and inspiring vistas there. Thus, after accomplishing much of what I came to California to do, after experiencing some truly difficult circumstances over the past few months, and after some phenomenal reaffirmations from God via encouragement and random happenstance, I have made the decision to go back. To go home. 

Since that time, the reins of control have sped passed my grasp. Days, weeks, months have melted away from me. And as my departure grows more imminent, I feel as though my life is spinning without me...as if in some ways, I am just along for the ride. I am confident that God IS  doing the leading here, and that I am simply following. However, the solidified circumstances, situations, relationships that I was sure awaited me are currently tenuous, murky, daunting, and "up in the air" at best. Scary, unsafe, and irreparable at worst.  I feel insane for doing this. I am stripped bare and weak. But, I Trust. And I've learned that when I am at my weakest, when I hold no pretense of "making things happen" on my own, God works His best in my life. When I recognize that I have no control,  I cease to live in a self-absorbed state--when I know how much help I truly need, I am paradoxically more able to help others.  And, as I am out of any other immediate options, and am going, I have no choice but to trust.


"Though, to say, 'We've got much hope!' If  I am lost, it's only for a little while." -"Monsters" Band of Horses


I also recognize that those who thought me crazy for coming to California will probably find my choice to return just as crazy. And this is okay.  I need to inhale deeply, relax, cease to take myself so seriously....to take steps to rectify my situations to the best of my ability...to trust that God will take care of the rest. I need to be thankful for all of the amazing things that I have been blessed with in this Life. And conversely, I must be honest about the ways in which my heart feels wounded and confused, but then... get over it. Get over the luxury of Western World angst, and allow the volcano of joy and excitement to erupt from within.

That said, as I spend today reflecting on my time in Southern California and on the ways (both wonderful and crappy) that things have unfolded here, I thought I'd compile a Top Ten list--for your reading pleasure (or for mine, anyway;-)).

The Top Ten Things I've Learned in L.A. are....:

10. It often takes 2 1/2 hours to travel 23 miles. Residents consider this "normal". This is especially unpleasant if one possess a bladder the size of a grain of rice, or if it's 100 degrees outside and one's sweat has sweat. (The combination of both is another story for another day). After growing up outside of the DC Beltway and experiencing the traffic of Denver and Philadelphia, I can honestly say that Los Angeles area traffic experiences are what I'd imagine hell to feel like...

9. However, #10 allows for much time in reflection...allows one to take in an otherwise missed sunset--the burnt oranges, indigos, and crimsons of which are God's spray paint...allows for the enjoyment of music and audio books in the soul-penetrating manner for which they were created...

8. If, during a face-to-face or phone interview, a potential employer tells you that you are "Amazing. Truly just awesome," or that your writing holds "a unique, fresh, and distinctive voice" or is "genius", this person will not hire you....Will not call you back... has most likely not read any of the samples you sent him or her.  Honesty is not pervasive in any aspect of the entertainment industry, and is atypical in any encounters here.  On the upside, it is rare to encounter straightforwardly "mean" individuals.

7. I could spend twenty-four hours with great tunes and good company driving up and down the Pacific Coast Highway and feel truly joyful and at peace.

6. The true creative giants in this town are the most unaffected, humble, subtle, and genuine people one could hope to meet.

5. Those who bleed with insecurity and have no foundation on which to stand will exert much effort to be "cool" or "hipster", and to let others know what a "big deal (they are)".  

4. Some of the most beautiful souls whom I've crossed paths with reside in the greater Los Angeles area. My life has been enriched by these people, and I've grown and learned so much from them.

3. Junky, rusted vehicles will go to great lengths to find ways to hit my car.  40% of the car accidents I've been in have occurred in 2013.  Perhaps this is why native Los Angelinos find it so odd that I am driving back to Colorado, and that people cross state lines in their cars every day.

2. God is truly, wholly, my only source. I find glimpses of Him in art, in nature, in people, in relationships, but He is the only one whom I can set my foundation upon. I cannot quite articulate the resonant ways in which I've learned this here.  I finally understand, from the depths of my marrow, that "His love never fails, it never gives up, it never runs out on me." 

1. There are a plethora o' things I love about this town, and I do not regret, for one second, "L.A. Residency: The Sequel".  And, although I am struggling to stifle the panic that eclipses the excitement about my return home, although I have some very real struggles and unfulfilled basic needs that await me in a few short days, I know I am doing the right thing. I know, as waves of peace wash over me, and God whispers, "Follow", that somehow, some way, things will be great.  And, that my work will have me in Los Angeles for short stints for the rest of my life--I'm not quite done with this town.

I look forward to the great and wild sprint with God that awaits me in this next, albeit familiar, chapter.

As always, thanks for reading. (And, because I've been asked, yes, all pictures accompanying these posts were taken by me:-))...

"Lord, release my wild soul."- "Wild Soul" Langhorne Slim and the Law