"He rescued me because He delighted in me."-Psalm 18:19 (NIV)
By a show of hands, how many of you have felt consistently "delighted" in? ...No, really? Truly? Delighted in? No one can see you, it's alright to be honest-put your hands down.
...To the two of you who still proudly wave your hands in the air, like you just don't care- kudos! What an amazing way to cuddle with life and walk through your days. For the rest of us, the word "delighted" invokes images of Grandmas "aaawing" and "ooooing" over grade school macaroni art-work, characters from romantic comedies circa 1953 exclaiming their awe of their surroundings or a new love interest: "Oh James! You...are...delightful...", or, in my case, Will Farrell as James Lipton on SNL: "'Perhaps the greatest actor of all times...Dustin Diamond, as 'Screech' on 'Saved by the Bell' is..dee...light...ful." We may soak in moments of Love, but spend much time swimming in our own stagnant cesspool of shortcomings and insecurities, and that truth feels more like a concept or a dangling carrot-not something to which we have eternal access.
Imagine telling your child, "I will only take great joy in you if you clean your room...if you stop hitting your sister...if you wash behind your ears", or, for those of us sans kids, to a soulmated loved one, "Um, yep-if you lose twenty pounds...if you buy me gifts daily...if you never challenge any of my thoughts or feelings...then I will take great joy in you." We don't tell our closest friends "You must agree with everything that I say, and never let me down, and constantly tell me how awesome I am." Our relationships would never enter the richness of intimacy or shine with unconditional love if these limits were placed. And each of us has experienced a broken relationship where these rules were given-leaving us with broken holes and refurbished "walls against vulnerability" as a result. And yet, many of us operate as if this is true of God-as if He says, "I WILL delight in you if..."
As a follower of Christ since my teenaged years, I never, ever conceptualized that my Creator, my Father DELIGHTS in me....I understood His Love as a general concept, and knew this was true for so many of His followers...but me? Broken, stumbling, bruised Sarah? No way. I'd experienced hard and dark places-from my own doing and from the hands of others-darkness that must have tainted even Christ's image of me, right? And, so many of the "bottoms" I'd hit in life came after I began a relationship with Him. Ah, don't get me started on before-before, I was a selfish, sensitive, attention-seeking, insecure, boy-crazy teenager.
However, over the past two years, God has seen fit to hammer this truth into the marrow of my being, and it has freed me up and drawn me into a deeper well of TRUTH and relationship with Him-the only constant, unchanging Source. Do you want to know the most amazing aspect of this verse? Sweet, I will totally share! The most amazing thing about this verse, and about who God is...He rescued me (and you, and offers this to you, who still seek) because He delightED in me...before I knew Him-while I still followed my own broken path, while I still lived only for myself. He took great JOY in me because He had made me. And this continues to be true-today, when I am feeling down and defeated and sad and broken...yesterday, when I felt hopeful and excited and close to Him and loving toward others...This truth means that I (and you) NEVER have to stay in the dark, dank place where we feel unwanted and unloved and scared-that we need only to remember that God's gift to us is the Grace of Delight, and that eventually, as we choose to see this delight in: an awesome sunset, drinking in the exhiliration of beauty in nature, an authentic and deep chat with a friend, a new moment with a spouse, the goofiness of a young child, the insolence of a teenager, the annoying habits of a parent, an especially creative moment, loving those around us who do not know Him- eventually, it will become easier for us to know daily...to know moment by moment that HE DELIGHTS IN US and that this joy, this delight offers an unburdening of all that drags us down. It spurs us on to step out into the great unknown (where He often leads us-I sometimes hate God's sense of humor), to forgive those who let us down and to still love them, to work on repairing broken relationships, to throw all of our "unlovable" baggage in the dumpster (even as it resurfaces), and to allow God to use us in the lives of others. It helps me to see passed my own messy heart, and to see His work with an alarming rate of frequency. It stills me and helps me to hear His quiet whispers. It calms me, and gives me peace about the fact that I could fall, flat on my face, out here in Los Angeles-away from those whom I love and the "home" in my heart/ only geographic home I've forged as an adult-but that's okay! Because He delights in me, and is with me-and that will be true if I return to Colorado, or am called to a film location to Zimbabwe, or if I remain in Los Angeles for the rest of my life. There are still moments where the delight feels more like a sentiment from James Lipton or Grandma-there are times where my heart hurts and I am lonely and I am suffocated by my own "Much Afraid" self-absorbed mess-but even in those moments...he...delights...in...me. After much rambling, I guess my challenge to each of you reading is this: Ask yourself if you believe that you are delighted in? And if not, start believing! Because it's true! And if it is true for someone like Sarah Paris, then it is most definitely true for you. Don't live...LIVE like you are delighted in. And watch that small step of faith change your world.
In closing, a good friend shared this John Lynch quote (from his book, "On My Worst Day") with me months ago, and the printed, dog-eared and crumpled page has not left my pocket since-when I falter, I just read and say "thanks". I invite you to do the same.
“The
most darkness-defying risk a human can take is to believe that in even
this moment, the following is true. In my freshly proven shame, I want
to turn away from it. But to do so is to deny the reason Jesus went to
the cross. To do so will cripple me. So here it is. This is true about
John Lynch, at this particular moment…On my worst day I am:
…Adored,
enjoyed, delighted in, clean, holy, righteous, absolutely forgiven, new,
beautiful, acceptable, complete, Spirit indwelled, chosen, adopted,
able, intimately loved, smiled upon, planned for, protected, continually
thought about, enjoyed, cared for, comforted, understood, known
completely, given all mercy, compassion, guarded, matured, bragged on,
defended, valued, esteemed, held, hugged and caressed, kissed, heard,
honored, in unity with, favored, enough, on time, lacking nothing,
directed, guided continually, never failed, waited for, anticipated,
part of, belonging, never alone, praised, secure, safe, believed,
appreciated, given all grace, all patience, at peace with, pure,
shining, precious, cried over, grieved with, strengthened, emboldened,
drawn kindly to repentance, relaxed with, never on trial, never frowned
at, never hit with a 2 by 4, delighted in, at rest in, receiving
complete access, given gifts, given dreams, given new dreams,
continually healed, nurtured, continually sheltered from the full brunt
of devastation, taken shame from, carried, never mocked, never punished,
almost all of my jokes enjoyed, not behind, not outside, given endless
affection.
Doesn’t much feel like it at the moment. But that’s how the gig works. That’s the depth of His love, whether you or I feel I deserve it or not. Deserve has long ago left the building.”
Thanks for reading. Happy New Year.
